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Posts Tagged ‘feel’

Thought Exchange

Sunday, May 18th, 2014

DavidFriedmanToday I was a participant in a workshop put on by renowned composer and author, David Friedman. Taken from information in his groundbreaking book, The Thought Exchange, David outlined how our minds are conditioned to think the same thoughts over and over. Thoughts we have sometimes believed as truth since childhood.

Yet as adults, we are frustrated when our lives do not improve no matter how hard we work to produce new results. The disconnect occurs because we are using the same old thoughts about what is possible in our lives.

In order to change our results, we must start with changing, or more precisely “exchanging” our thoughts. We are conditioned to believe what we think about something is the only thought possible for us. It is our belief, our truth. In reality there are unlimited numbers of thoughts that are possible.

Do you think you are incapable of doubling your income?

Do you think you will never find your soul mate?

Do you think opportunities have passed you by?

Imagine you can take that long held thought you have back to the store and exchange that thought for a new one.

What? How is that possible? I know, that thought of yours may not look so good, but it is comfortable and has served you well. It has kept you safely where you are, if not happy.

Just like trying on a new pair of shoes, selecting a new thought about what is possible for you will create some physical sensations. There’s a rub on the heel, it pushes on your little toe. It feels uncomfortable.

If you exchange your old thought of “I can’t” to a new thought of “I can,” you will feel uncomfortable. A knot in your stomach. Your heart may race. You may feel nauseous. You will want to revert back to those comfortable old shoes.

Hold the new thought. Stay with the sensations. Allowing yourself to feel the uncomfortable sensations is the key to taking on a new thought about yourself. Positive thinking feels good in the moment, but a lasting change of thought requires acknowledging those uncomfortable sensations and proceeding anyway.

Whatever you see in your world is a reflection of the thoughts you have about yourself. When you look in a mirror, if you do not like the color shirt you see, do not expect the mirror to change it. Only you have the power to exchange your thoughts to reflect a new belief about yourself.

“When we were able to be with our sensations, infinite possibilities opened up.” David Friedman



How Soon We Forget

Sunday, January 13th, 2013

Oak Trees In the Snow at DawnAs the January thaw visited many parts of the country this past week, we are reminded how nature has the power to delight us. The rise in temperature, the rays of sunshine, restore our faith that winter's bleakness is not forever. As if to say, it's only temporary, glimpses of green peak through the thinning blanket of white covering the landscape.

Yet, a drop of a few degrees, jogs the memory and brings a shiver to the body. Oh yes, it's still January. The moisture on the bare tree limbs is transformed to sparkling frost. This month of new beginnings is not half over so there's plenty of time to forge your path through snow or not, into 2013.

Revisiting my intention for the new year, I prefer intention to resolution, I'm eager to assess, how am I doing?

I've learned that unless an intention, a goal, or even a good idea is kept in the forefront of your mind, it tends to disappear into the trivialities of life. It's only been a couple weeks. Hmmm. How soon we forget. Now what was that intention? Oh yes…

Let's live a fun and fulfilling life.

What has been fun so far this year?

I'm happy to say I have added more fun to my daily routine this new year. Spending time with friends, going to an amazing play, trying a new restaurant, making travel plans, beginning a book I've wanted to read. To me, all fun activities.

Yet without a conscious effort to make time for pleasurable pursuits, I have, in the past, let many opportunities pass me by.

I'm too busy.

Something else is more important.

Maybe next time.

You know what? You always have time for fun. You need to make time for fun. Fun is the magic elixir that takes care of the other half of my new intention.

Have I felt fulfilled by my life?

What feels most fulfilling to me is making connections with people who remind me of my purpose in this life. To make your life more enjoyable. If you're reading this, I hope I've done that for you because, if I'm true to myself, I am fulfilled.

How are you doing on your resolution or intention or your wish for this new year? Remember what it is. Hold it often in your mind and in your heart.

Let's have a fun and fulfilling life!


"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget that you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Maya Angelou

Doesn’t It Feel Good?

Thursday, November 8th, 2012

If you wanted to make someone feel good, how would you accomplish that? Instead of trying to imagine what another person would enjoy, think first about what makes you feel good.

Everyone has their peculiarities. They like mustard on pretzels. Or prefer the color green instead of red. Wine tops beer every time. But consider the similarities we share. What makes you feel good?

      Being called by your name.

      Getting a sincere compliment.

      Receiving an unexpected gift.

All simple gestures that feel wonderful and boost you self esteem. What everyone likes is to be noticed and appreciated. How many times in your day could you make the effort to remember someone's name and repeat it back to them? When you notice that a person looks great wearing a particular color, why not tell them? Next time you see a little something in the store and think to yourself, "she would love that," add it to your purchases and make her day.

What do you like?

To feel good. Pass it on.


"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around"

Leo Buscaglia

Still Grateful

Friday, September 7th, 2012

It's been awhile since I mentioned the importance of experiencing daily gratitude. The 30 Day Gratitude Challenge from early summer is still alive and well. That's what's so helpful about our calendar system. When one month is done, in 30 days more or less, another 30 days of gratitude begins.

The yearly calendar also gives us convenient big days, holidays and events to commemorate. Excuses to keep in touch.The events occur, a birthday, an anniversary, congratulations due. We think about someone who deserves appreciation, and just like that, the thought is gone.

It would have been nice to remember them, but you don't have any cards, or stamps, or time to look for any. Too bad, so sad, not just for the person you neglected, but also for yourself.

You have neglected your own true feelings of kindness and gratitude. You cannot give away what you do not feel for yourself.

Aren't you ready to treat yourself better than that? Honor yourself, love yourself, and you will be eager to give away to others the wonderful feeling of appreciation.

Oh yes, there's still the time issue. If you only had the time to get organized, you'd do a better job of remembering, right? What if you had an assistant to remind you of upcoming important days?

Someone who would keep an unlimited stock of cards for every occasion. Even have all the stamps you need and make sure your personalized messages got mailed on time. An assistant who is also a personal shopper when you'd like to include a gift.

We all deserve a personal assistant like that. And you can have one of your own for pennies a day.

So be grateful for the people in your life. Your time and organization excuses are gone. Just relax and express how you feel.

It's easy to share your gratitude. Your personal assistant is waiting here.


If You Can’t Say Anything Good

Tuesday, August 28th, 2012

We recognize in others what we do not like in ourselves. When I first read that statement, I thought it was untrue. At that time, I also tended to be critical of the perceived faults of others. Faults I certainly did not have.

Looking more deeply into this idea, I decided to observe my thoughts for a day and question the hypothesis that I was merely seeing myself in others. I had to think about what I was thinking about.

That takes some major attention, to be an observer of yourself, like a tag along friend- or foe. Keeping track of a brain full of criticism, pettiness and disdain has a way of turning those feelings inward.

Like the proverbial battle of the angel on one shoulder and devil on the other, as soon as I noticed a critical thought, I would reprimand myself for thinking that way. This clash of egos was not supplying useful information for my experiment. 

I began again and set aside self scrutiny in favor of simple observation, as if I was watching an actor in a movie. That perspective allowed me to decide if the heroine in my movie was a likable character or a villain.

As a thought popped up, "What a messy person," I noticed it, and immediately asked myself if messiness was an issue for me. Oh, it certainly has been and I feel disempowered whenever the clutter in my life builds up.


Try it again.

"He is wasting time, not getting anything done." Any identification there? Wicked procrastination. That brought up feelings of frustration I have experienced.

We recognize in others what we do not like in ourselves.

It's making sense now…. and providing the opportunity to turn observation into understanding my our own motivations.

We also recognize in others what we like about ourselves.




Reinforce your positive self image by seeing your reflection in the inspiring faces you meet.


        "If you make listening and observation your occupation you will gain much  more than you can by talk."
 Robert Baden-Powell

Baby You Can Drive My Car

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012

Jack is thinking about buying a new car. He is secure in his career and feels he deserves to upgrade from his decade old sedan. For months he has read all the trade publications, and has researched every make and model.

Everyday, on the way to work, Jack notices each vehicle on the road. On his mental list, he excludes this one or adds that one as he refines his possible choices.

 Finally, his search ends when he glimpses the perfect vehicle, the Lexus IS 350C. He snaps a picture of it with his cell phone as it speeds past. The exact look, the style, even the color he wants. Now, he’s ready to make his purchase.

 Saturday morning, Jack works out at the gym, and then visits the Lexus dealership. He scans the rows of vehicles searching for his ideal car. Where is it? He walks into the showroom, cell phone in hand, and confidently shows the photo image to Scott, the salesperson. “This is the car I want.”

 It’s sleek, it’s sexy, and shiny Obsidian Black.

 “Great choice”, Scott eagerly replies. “I have one right over here.”

 They walk over to the gleaming Lexus. The graceful, aerodynamic curves of the body, the sculptured five spoke wheel covers, the sumptuous leather interior, “It’s everything you want, Jack”.

 Jack’s eyes light up as he approaches his dream car. It’s even more beautiful than he remembers. “Yes, this is the car for me.” He reaches out to touch the sleek fender, and observes, “But, this one is silver”.

 “Tungsten Pearl is the color you want, Jack”, Scott insists. “Look, it’s in the brochure.” He pushes the elegant, glossy brochure into Jack’s hands. “This is the hot, new color.”

 Jack confirms the image on the brochure is exactly like the car in the showroom. The silvery hue in the photograph looks dynamic in daylight and dramatic in darkness. He begins to reason with himself.

Well, if this is the hot, new color.

It is featured in the brochure.

Scott’s the professional; he knows what he’s talking about.

            Black would be harder to keep looking shiny.

Jack nods and makes his decision, “Sold”.

He finishes the paperwork, and shakes hands with Scott. “Thanks for your help.” 

Scott presents Jack with his keys and some reassurance, “This car is really you, Jack. I know you’re going to love it”.

Jack eases into his new Lexus IS 350C. As he settles into the soft leather seat, the new car smell fills his nostrils. Jack leans back and closes his eyes.

He sees himself, sitting tall, tanned, smiling, convertible top down, the wind in his hair, cruising down the highway in his shiny, new, black Lexus.

Wait, what happened here?

Did the plus of owning the hot, new color car become a minus when compared to Jack’s image of himself?

What is more important, how the world sees Jack driving his new car, or how Jack sees Jack?

Success starts with how you see yourself.

The choices you make, however subtle they appear at the time, accumulate and create the person you become.

Do you always pick the “safe” color choice? Do you listen to the advice of others about what is best for you? Do you simply follow the crowd and go along with the current style?

Getting to know yourself and discovering what looks and feels best for you is infinitely more empowering and satisfying.

The Choice Is Up to You

Tuesday, August 21st, 2012

Have you chosen the life you're living?  "Of course," is your immediate response. Yet how often have you admitted, as I have, that  "Life is what happens when you're making other plans."

Sure we have all made important decisions that shaped our lives.

The source of our education.

Selecting a spouse.

Applying for a job.

Determining where we live.

Yet one decision often leads to the next. You went to a school, where you met your spouse, and your job took you to the place where you live.

What if you said no to any of those decisions, or shuffled the order of your choices, would the outcome be similar? One step leads to another.

What if you made every choice on purpose? Decided what your ideal life would look like and base your choices on that outcome? It's possible.

Scary to be in so much control of your life. Powerful. So start small to get used to it.

Where do you want to have lunch? Doesn't matter. Yes, it does. Make a purposeful choice that feels best to you.

Buying a new jacket? Pick the easy choice, basic black. Or select the radiant red because you felt happy when you tried it on.

Choices get easier when they take you toward a life you design for yourself.

You are responsible for your own happiness. It starts with deciding to be.


"Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."
William Jennings Bryan

Here Comes That Feeling Again

Friday, August 17th, 2012

Are you tired of hearing about the effects of boring beige yet? Good. I feel another rant coming on.

On the way to a nature trail this morning, the walk began through a suburban subdivision.

Rows of houses, so much the same, in subtle variations of….beige. I couldn't help myself from making a comment or two about the lack of color variation.

"They're not all beige, some are tan," my walking companion insisted.

Noticing the nuances of colors is a big part of my life. There are no less than 100 shades of white in a typical paint deck fan. And reds…don't get me started.

In this instance, I must classify the housing landscape, beige, tan, ecru, toast, even greige, as the boring, nondescript sameness of beige.

Whew! I feel better now.

Look around your own neighborhood. Maybe even your own house. Why is it beige?

Don't get defensive.

A beige house blends nicely into the surroundings. Looks natural. The green lawn adds some contrast which is important, as I mentioned in Wednesday's post, as a way to add color to a neutral wardrobe. 

"Is there a color ordinance here?" I asked. No, there isn't.

Beige is accepted by everyone- never goes out of style. Oh really. Find a neighborhood built a few decades ago when gray was the color of the day. Time will tell a beige tale. 

Thankfully, my suburban walk did include some pops of color and individuality.

A cobalt blue planter in front of one house.

Brilliant pink floral plantings around another.

Deep burgundy shutters.

And the highlight of the day, a pale yellow house amid the sea of beige. Ahhh!


Why do we go along with the status quo? Afraid of making a mistake? Maybe the neighbors won't like it.

What if your home was on an isolated hilltop or a desert island? What color paint would you choose for that locale? Bet that choice reflects what you like.

Your color choices should always be a personal reflection of you, your tastes and colors that make you feel good. Uniformity is overrated.

Be beige if you must, but add your own personal touches to identify your abode, your castle, instead of just the second house on the left. 

You create your life. You select your environment. 

 As with all the choices you make in your life, never be satisfied with less than you deserve. You deserve to surround yourself with life enhancing color that makes you feel your best. 


Feelings are like a color chart that God has given us.”
                                                                                          Keith Miller

Late or Lingering

Thursday, August 16th, 2012

Late summer….I've heard that description of the season so many times this week. But it's only mid August. 

Back in the day, the lazy days of summer lasted until school started, always after Labor Day. Technically summer ends on the Autumnal Equinox during the third week of September. That's more than a month away. 

So what's the rush?

Is it a symptom of our obsession with the future?

When not lamenting days gone by, our thoughts turn to what's to come. We assemble a cast of people, scenery and events that we believe will or could happen.

Real or imagined future, our thoughts manifest as the feelings we experience. Are you looking forward to something with happy anticipation? Those future thoughts feel good. 

Most commonly our thought projections of the future turn into feelings of anxiety or dread. We rehearse the scene of our upcoming performance over and over, perfecting feelings that do not feel good.

That's not the way champions rehearse their future. They imagine only the best for themselves, and use the present moment to perfect their craft.

Why not savor each delicious day of summer that's left? You have thirty six days to go.

Pick a summer activity for each of these golden days and practice living in the now. It may be sitting in your yard with a refreshing drink. Take a walk and notice the verdant green and touches of gold in the trees. Put your bare feet in the sand. Watch a magnificent sunset.

Do all those things that mean summer to you. What will it be? I haven't run through the sprinkler….yet.

It's not late summer….it's lingering.

Enjoy this Day!

It is the summer's great last heat,
It is the fall's first chill: They meet.
–Sarah Morgan Bryan Piatt

How Is Your Immunity?

Friday, August 10th, 2012

Have you ever asked someone, “How are you today?” and they actually told you? If that's the case, it probably wasn't a positive response.

I once knew a woman who was always eager to share her pain. Most of the time, I listened and nodded with an empathetic look on my face. After our conversation I would feel emotionally drained and feeling down myself.

Eventually, I learned to no longer ask that leading question and began the conversation by complimenting her on how well she looked.

That simple shift of perspective would often lead to a more positive interaction. She felt better about herself and I felt relieved by not being part of her negative focus. If our conversation eventually returned to irresolvable health matters, I excused myself until our next meeting.

There is a fine line between feeling empathy for others and protecting your own well being. Contagious negative energy spreads faster than the common cold.

Of course you cannot live in a social bubble, especially in this age of immediate communication and interactions with a global community. Purveyors of doom and gloom are no longer limited to face to face conversations. 

When you are exposed to the viruses of pessimism, disdain, and intolerance, your resistance is weakened.

So how do you build up your immunity from the disease of negativity?

  •    Realize everyone creates their own reality. Do not adopt someone else's reality.
  •    Offer a proactive solution to the problem. Be prepared to be ignored.
  •    Smile and say a prayer for them.
  •    Walk away (or Unfriend).

Any interactions affecting your well being, be your own best friend and protect your positive attitude.

You deserve to feel great!

Tell Me More

Mary Ellen Lapp reveals how the colors we wear, and the colors that surround us, even the color of the car we drive, impact out self image and affects how we are seen by the people around us.

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